Victoire and I’s breastfeeding journey started on March 25th last year. She and I will celebrate our nursing anniversary in a couple weeks. I never planned to breastfeed for so long. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to when I was expecting, yet somehow I decided I would give it a try. I knew more this time. I wanted more this time.
I read a lot and was ready to make it work if that makes sense. I knew not to let the hospital’s medical staff complement her with formula if she didn’t really need to. I knew to hang in there even if it wasn’t painless or easy.
The first few weeks were incredibly hard but I had a wonderful midwife who helped me through obstacles and discouraging moments. I decided I would nurse for three months. Once I hit the 3-month mark, I decided to nurse for 3 more months, and 3 more, until Victoire would turn 1.
She is just about to turn one, and I am wondering…Is this the end? I have mixed feelings. A part of me wants to stop and another part of me wants to continue. I love the bond Victoire and I developed throughout all our nursing sessions. We have had cries, and laughs and quiet moments…but as she grows up and I start needing my own space, the idea of prolonging the experience leaves me pondering…Do I still want this? How is she going to feel? How am I going to feel? Breast is best! Breast is best! I know that, but what if I don’t want to nurse anymore? Does that make me a bad mother? Sixtine was breastfed very little time, she is healthy and I wanted the best for her to.
I need to start thinking about myself. What do I want?
Please share your experience.